From the Heart

The story of the New York Mets baseball fan is filled with hope, and utter fear. Big hope and the kind of soul-crushing, miserable fear that snuffs out every ounce of confidence.

I grew up in a small railroad town in upstate New York. The youngest of six.

My parents divorced when I was nine. My father looked me in the eye and told me he’d be back. He wouldn’t. For a time his lie shaped me — and defined me — as a grown man.

The divorce nearly killed my mother. She began to drink to numb the pain. Her excessive indulgence led to multiple heart attacks and, for me, a deep sense of foreboding.

By my college years I began reproducing similar patterns. Anger. Fear. Guilt. And trust? I trusted no one. I destroyed relationships, behaved selfishly, cheated and lied. They were the actions of an insecure spirit and a broken heart.

“New York is an ugly city, a dirty city. Its climate is a scandal, its politics are used to frighten children, its traffic is madness, its competition is murderous. But there is one thing about it: once you have lived in New York and it has become your home, no place else is good enough.” — John Steinbeck, America and Americans

The one constant in this dystopian, dysfunctional family dynamic was baseball — New York Mets baseball. Yes, there is a difference.

The story of the New York Mets baseball fan is filled with hope, and utter fear. Big hope and the kind of soul-crushing, miserable fear that snuffs out every ounce of confidence.

Being a Mets fan, at least for me, is part of my history — a history adopted from the ruins of gut-wrenching losses and miraculous victories; numerically defined in ascending order by 3, 5, 8, 13, 15, 16, 18, 24, 31, 36, 41, 45 and 48; a past dripping in blue and orange.

My 3 is Bud Harrelson. My 5 is David Wright. My 8 is Gary Carter. My 13 is Edgardo Alfonzo. My 15 is Carlos Beltran. My 16 is both Lee Mazzilli and Doc Gooden. My 18 is Darryl Strawberry. My 24 is Willie Mays. My 31 is Mike Piazza. My 36 is Jerry Koosman. My 41 is Tom Seaver. My 45 is Tug McGraw. My 48 is Jacob deGrom.

For you, they may be different. Your list. Your team. Your heart and soul.

You may have grown up at Citi Field, not Shea Stadium, or the Polo Grounds, then Shea, now Citi Field. The order matters. The places and players matter. The people in your Mets family really matter. They are your Mets history, and that’s what makes this Substack account special.

The players, managers, coaches and front office personnel I interview on the @MetsRewind Podcast come from different generations, they have unique backgrounds and special circumstances, and their time in New York is its own special story that makes up this amazing patchwork of Mets past, present, and future.

I didn’t have the Field of Dreams story as a child, but I do have a brother that protected and cared for me when life at home didn’t make sense. As I grow older, I have developed a deep, meaningful affection for the time he took to invest in me, my love for the game and my well-being.

And to those who subscribe and encourage me here, or on social media, have become part of my extended family; one that is very important to me and close to my heart. Thank you for your friendship and support as I continue this journey.

---

ABOUT @METSREWIND

New York was redefined on March 6, 1961 when the New York Metropolitan Baseball Club Inc. formally received a certificate of membership from league president Warren Giles.

Of the 30 Major League Baseball clubs today, the case could be made that no other team has a more compelling franchise history than the New York Mets. From Casey Stengel to Yogi Berra, Marv Throneberry to Tom Seaver, Willie Mays, Tug McGraw, Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, Keith Hernandez, Bobby Valentine, Pedro Martinez, Matt Harvey and Pete Alonso, the Mets are loaded with character(s).

Then there are the Amazin’ seasons — 1962, 1969, 1973, 1986, 2000, 2006-2008 and 2015 — full of miracles, joy, hope and heartbreak.

@MetsRewind is designed to share team history in unique and entertaining digital formats including Twitter, Instagram, and Substack.

We hope you — the baseball fan — enjoy the content. We encourage you to share your memories.

---